You and Your Penis!

The Penis Through Your Life

Like all parts of the body, the penis changes as it ages. The truly young penis - in babies and grade-school boys - is basically a sleeper. True, it gets hard during dreams and at other times, especially when stimulated, but it doesn't do much otherwise except for resting and urinating.

The adolescent penis is another story altogether. It is rambunctious and rowdy; it gets hard frequently and at the most inappropriate times. The problem for many teenage boys is not getting it up but trying to keep it down. The writer Julitis Lester recalls just how ubiquitous and embarrassing the adolescent penis can be: "That thing was always there. Every time we went to the john, there it was, twitching around like a fat little worm on a fishing hook. When we took baths, it floated in the water like a lazy fish and God forbid we should touch it! It sprang to life like lightning leaping from a cloud.... I was helpless. It was there, with a life and mind of its own, having no other function than to embarrass me."

The idea that penises are hard as steel comes from the adolescent penis. The adolescent penis seemingly wants to explode to orgasm every few minutes. It comes, and ten minutes later it's hard again and wants to come again. And what orgasms these are. The force is explosive and the pressure is immense; large amounts of semen fly across the room. And if the owner doesn't stimulate himself to orgasm, then it happens all by itself in wet dreams.

The adolescent penis is the penis at its ultimate power. From here on until the end of life, there is a gradual tapering off. Never again will it be so quick to get hard, so stiff; never again will the orgasms be so explosive and the need for them so insistent. There will also be a loss of independence over time. The adolescent penis needs little or nothing from the outside. It gets hard on its own, without needing physical or other kinds of stimulation. As it ages, it will require more stimulation of various sorts.

Although what I have described about the adolescent penis is typical, there are some that don't fit this picture. Some teenage boys have illnesses or injuries that make erection difficult or impossible to get or maintain. And some have difficulties because of strong feelings such as anxiety, guilt, or disgust.

The penis in young adulthood, approximately twenty to thirty-five, is similar to the adolescent penis, but signs of mellowing may already be present. The frequency of masturbation tends to drop, and wet dreams may be less common. Some men in this age group notice that their penises are not as hard when erect as they once were and that they require direct stimulation to get hard.

As the penis enters midlife, say around ages forty to fifty, some changes are obvious. It may require physical stimulation, either from its owner or his partner, to get hard. It may not get as full or as firm as before. It is easier for it to lose its hardness and, once lost, the hardness may be more difficult to regain. Men often notice and worry about the angle of erection. The erection that in younger years pointed up may now just stick straight out; the one that in previous times stuck straight out may now, though stiff, point slightly down. In most cases, these are just normal changes and nothing to get excited about. The need for orgasm is less pronounced. The force of the ejaculation is less, as is the amount ejaculated. Attending to the penis's conditions becomes more important.

The changes continue as the penis reaches its sixth and seventh decades. Men frequently comment that it doesn't get as hard as it used to. Physical and mental arousal are much more critical. Things that before usually produced erection - seeing one's partner undressed, kissing and hugging, even watching X-rated movies - now may not do so. Penises at this age often take longer to ejaculate and they don't need to ejaculate every time. Every second or third time is fine.

Ejaculation is much less powerful. Semen may seem to seep out instead of shooting out. And once a fifty-, sixty-, or seventy-year-old penis ejaculates, it may be days before it can get hard again.

Many men at this age decide they're over the hill as far as sex goes, or that they need some help. Getting help is realistic for some, but for others all that's needed is the understanding that just because something isn't the way it was twenty, thirty, or forty years ago doesn't mean you can't use and enjoy it. A raging erection that points at the ceiling and that won't quit is not necessary for good sex. After all, many men in their sixties enjoy walking, jogging, and dancing even though they can't move as fast or as far as they did when they were thirty. The senior penis can still give and take pleasure, even though it's not the same as it was decades ago.

As sex therapist Leslie Schover points out, some men do fine with their less-than-Herculean erections until confronted with a new situation: for example, sex with a new partner after a divorce or the death of a spouse. The same erection is now considered inadequate.

The changes I've described gradually continue until the end of life. Like the rest of physical functioning, the erection and ejaculatory processes become more inhibited and less efficient. But the penis and the rest of the body never lose their capacity for pleasure. There are men in their seventies, eighties, and even nineties who enjoy sex. As do their partners. According to many women I've spoken with, the owners of penises often develop qualities as they age that more than make up for the declining powers of their penises. These women say that older men are attractive sexually because they are more open to emotion and generally more loving, more patient, not as quick on the trigger, and often more sensuous.

The big problem for penises is that they've had a bad press. Perhaps it's more accurate to say that they've had a misguided press. The adolescent penis is the one that's idealized and idolized in the popular media, and it's also the first penis males have sexual experience with. Many men expect a penis of any age to act like the adolescent one. But almost every man expects his penis to behave the way it did when he was seventeen or, just as bad, the way he wishes it had behaved when he was seventeen.

To the extent that we can get rid of these ridiculous expectations, accept the penis that we have, meet its needs, and like and enjoy it for what it is - to that extent we can give and receive erotic pleasure as much as we want and for as long as we want. And that, I suggest, is what it's all about.

Sex and Your Penis

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